The "Oprah Method"

[00:00:01] Welcome to Don't Die with your song insight. [00:00:06] You are special. You have something unique to share. And you have a unique perspective on life because of everything you've gone through. Because of your background, you are in a unique position to serve people who can't be served by anyone else except you. [00:00:29] It's a real thing. [00:00:31] There are billions of people on the planet, and even though there is enormous amount of knowledge and information around, it doesn't mean people are practicing it, using it, applying it, or even understand it. And so it all needs to be said again and again by different people in different ways. [00:00:52] Today, you're learning how to share before you're ready. The. The Oprah Method. I invented this method based on noticing what Oprah does. This is not actually something she came up with. I'm just calling it Oprah Method because she is a great example of doing this. [00:01:12] And so Oprah Winfrey, of course, is a very famous person. She is a multi billionaire, and she started before she was ready. [00:01:28] Oprah came from an abusive background. [00:01:32] She could have easily been a drug addict, alcoholic, and died young. It's very likely other people in the same situation abuse, drugs, alcohol addictions, didn't make it. [00:01:47] So she came out that background. [00:01:49] She had an interest in being of service and being on tv. She was turned out a bunch of times. [00:01:55] She started her talk show at age 32. [00:01:59] And was she ready? [00:02:01] No, she wasn't. She said by her own admission, she wasn't ready. She didn't know what she was doing. She had all kinds of problems. [00:02:10] Did she have it all figured out? Absolutely not. [00:02:14] Did she know that she was going to become the best show host in the world? [00:02:19] No. [00:02:21] But she was willing to learn in public and be honest in public. She was willing to make mistakes. She was willing to figure things out as she went. [00:02:35] She was willing to fearlessly share her challenges. [00:02:40] And that's how she became Oprah. She didn't wait until she was the best. [00:02:45] She started and became the best through doing it. And one of the things that people really love about Oprah is that she has been genuinely honest and real about her challenges. [00:03:03] So, for example, she might have an issue with her weight or her eating. [00:03:08] She would learn about how to help with that, maybe read books, talk to people. Right. She has all these different interviews and people she talked to about various things. [00:03:20] She would be honest about where she's at, what her struggles are so people could relate to her. [00:03:29] She would say where she failed, where she succeeded, and because she was honest about where she was at and what she's learning, what she's trying, what's working, what isn't working. [00:03:41] People could relate to her. And it was very useful because if you think about it, if I was to say to you, for example, that I've been doing meditation for 30 years and I never have any waste thoughts, and I have no problems in my life, and I don't have any issues whatsoever, and everything is just super easy for me, and everything's so easy. I don't understand what's wrong with people. [00:04:06] If I said that, which is not true, by the way, but if I said that, would you relate to me now? You'd be like, what the hell? Like, this is. Either you wouldn't believe it or you think something very weird about this. [00:04:20] I once knew a spiritual teacher who apparently she said she hasn't had a waste thought in her mind since. Since 1952. [00:04:34] She died in 2021. [00:04:40] Right now, is it true? It might be true, actually, in her case, because she's a very unusual person. [00:04:47] But I don't know anyone else like that. [00:04:52] And to be perfectly honest, when people say things like that, I can't really relate to them. [00:04:59] It would be more useful for me to hear, how did somebody overcome a challenge that they're going through? What have they learned? [00:05:09] Rather than saying that they've ended up at this higher state permanently and everyone else should kind of just get it together. [00:05:21] So the Oprah method basically is acknowledging where you are now, honestly, because it is just the truth, expressing what you've learned, what you practiced, the struggles you've had with trying to do things, and also the upgrades and breakthroughs that you've had. [00:05:42] So in other words, to share as you're learning, not after you've learned. [00:05:50] So most people think, I need to learn this thing, completely master it, and then once I've totally mastered it and I'm now an expert, then I can teach it. [00:06:03] That is definitely not what Oprah did. [00:06:07] She said, here is where I'm at, Here is what I've learned. [00:06:13] Here is what's happened as a result of learning this and trying to practice it, and here is my experience. [00:06:19] So she is demonstrating her personal growth and a personal journey, and people can relate to where she's at. And she's showing, demonstrating that she's putting in the work, doing the best she can moving forward. [00:06:34] There's a movie you may have seen called Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead. It was released in 2010, and it follows a guy called Joe Cross, who's an Australian entrepreneur who is very Sick. He was weighed over 300 pounds and he had an autoimmune disease. [00:06:56] And he was told that basically if he didn't change his, his life, he was going to die. So he decided to go to New York, bring a film crew with him and just drink juice and drive across the country from New York to LA and get better. [00:07:15] And along the way he's drinking all this juice and he's losing weight and he's talking about stuff. It's an interesting movie, but the key thing that I felt like really made the movie was when he came across somebody called Phil Staples. And Phil Staples was someone he just randomly met on his way. He was an American truck driver who was £420 and suffered from a number of health problems and was in much worse shape than Joe Cross was. [00:07:43] And Joe, of course, is an entrepreneur. He's got money, he's doing a film, right? So we kind of like. I liked it, I could relate to him. But Phil was like this random guy truck driver having a really rough time. [00:07:57] And Phil ends up deciding to get on the program. [00:08:01] And ultimately the movie is really about Phil. The reason Phil is so powerful in the movie is because he, he is deeply relatable. [00:08:12] Even though I'm not £420 and I've never been that overweight, I could really see his struggle and I could relate to what he was going through. And I was really rooting for him. And anything he had to say, anything that he had done is pure gold because it's coming from his experience. [00:08:30] In fact, Phil was so important in that movie that they had a sequel that came out fat, sick and nearly dead too, which is all about Phil and Phil's challenge. And he ended up losing huge amounts of weight. He went from £420 down to 180. So he lost £240 in just six months. He improved his health, his blood pressure dropped, he no longer needed his medication, had increased energy. [00:08:56] And what a legend. What a legend, right? Because he was this random person who did something difficult. [00:09:07] So people normally think that the most valuable thing is the knowledge. And the knowledge is of course, valuable. And we talked about this in a different session, that just sharing what you know is valuable. [00:09:20] And what's even more valuable is sharing your journey, sharing your experience, sharing what you're going through, sharing your actual messy middle. The period of time where you're like, ah, this isn't working. I don't like it. I tried this, I had a relapse this. And that happened. [00:09:38] And then I came out the other end, people really can relate to that more. [00:09:44] I did a video once doing a 21 day digital detox where basically I committed to being offline three or four days a week. And then when I was online, only use it for like one hour at a time. And I showed this throughout 21 days days and basically I failed miserably. [00:10:03] I was like, wonderful upgrades and then I couldn't do it. And then wonderful upgrades and it went back and forth. [00:10:09] And many people really enjoyed watching that because it's just the real deal. You know, if I had said, oh, I did this 21 day detox and it was super easy and you know, you should do it too. [00:10:21] Where's the conflict? Where's the interest? Where's the value? The value is actually seeing the process. The Oprah method is doing it anyway. [00:10:33] So instead of teaching something that happens after you've mastered it, after you've been doing it for 50 years and you've cracked the code, this is about saying, I'm starting now and I'm going through a process, doing the best I can, and here's what I've learned. Many of our students have actually done this and got clients from doing it. [00:10:53] I'm doing this spiritual life coach training. Here's the stuff I'm learning, here's what I'm practicing, this is what I'm doing. [00:11:00] And people are fascinated. [00:11:03] So Oprah works because she is showing you the process. Instead of saying, I have arrived, she's saying, I'm learning with you. [00:11:20] We're on this journey together and I can do it too. [00:11:24] So here's the Oprah method in five steps. First step is to learn something, whether it's a concept, a practice, a framework, whatever it is. [00:11:33] Step two is to try it yourself, experiment with it, see what works so you're actually using the things. So like, if you're saying, I'm going to do meditation every day, or I'm going to do yoga every day, or I'm going to pray every day, or I'm going to go for a walk every day, or I'm going to go offline every day, or whatever it is, I'm going to practice this coaching method. I'm going to have powerful thoughts in my head, I'm going to start posting every day on social media, I'm going to do videos, I'm going to do courses, whatever it is, right? I'm writing a book so you'd learn something. Then you try it yourself. [00:12:13] Then the third step is to share what you're discovering. [00:12:21] Even if you don't have all the answers yet. [00:12:24] So you could say, I'm starting to write my book. And what I've noticed is that when I sit down to work, I don't want to do it. I feel tired, I'm not up for it. But here's the thing. After I start getting into it, then the words start flowing and I feel great. [00:12:41] Or, you know, I've started this exercise program. I never want to do it at the beginning. I keep putting off putting off. But I've decided I'm going to do it anyway. I forced myself to get on the yoga mat and I feel great afterwards. And now over time, I'm starting to actually get ready for it. And it doesn't seem as hard to even start as it was when I began. [00:13:02] Right. So you share what you're discovering, and then the fourth step is to learn more from the responses that you get by sharing it. [00:13:24] So what does that mean? It means that if you're publicly sharing this with people, whether it's on social media or in person or whatever it is, notice what they say. They might have questions, they might say, have you tried this? What happened with this? [00:13:38] They're going to give you some sort of feedback. [00:13:41] They might just be like, this is great. I'm so proud of you. You know, I'm excited. So you're just getting some sort of feedback from the world, from other people, and then you can iterate and improve. The step five is to iterate and improve. In other words, learn from what you've done, learn from your feedback, and just keep doing it. So this applies to whatever you're practicing, and it also applies to the way you're sharing. [00:14:15] So as you go through the process personally, like, let's say you're writing a book, as you get better at writing and you get more experience, you can share more of what you've learned. [00:14:28] And also as you share it publicly, people will ask you questions and they'll say things and they might say something like, I really like it when you said this thing. Can you talk more about this? Or I really want to know about this. Or can you show me behind the scenes of how you did this thing? Or I really liked it when you were out and you did this. So you hear from what people are saying and then you can do more of that. [00:14:53] The biggest problem a lot of people have is that they are iterating. They're trying to upgrade everything in private rather than in public. [00:15:03] And if you do that, you actually don't get real feedback I'll give an example of this. [00:15:10] I have many, many times, like put out sales pages or opt in pages or send emails out or whatever it is, right? [00:15:19] And I'm thinking about it, thinking about it, thinking about it in my head. And then finally I press send and it goes out to thousands of people on my list. [00:15:26] And as soon as the email is sent out, I immediately can tell what needs to change on the page and what kind of obvious things that I never considered for some reason. It's like when people's consciousness is shining onto something, then it can be seen more clearly, whereas when it's just hidden away in the shadows, you can't see what it is properly. [00:15:55] It's a bit like if a tree falls in the forest and no one's there, does it make any noise? [00:16:09] The tree falls in the forest and there's no one there to witness it, does it make any noise? [00:16:23] When you have everything hidden away in your head or in your laptop or in your heart and nobody knows about it, it's different from when you share something, Consciousness shines on it and then you can see what it is that you're doing more clearly and then you can make it better. [00:16:54] And because you are positioning this as we're doing this together, we're going through this together, this is imperfect because the positioning of what you do itself is designed that you're not having to be perfect, then you don't have to worry about it, right? You're saying, look, I got problems. That's why I'm doing this thing. I'm going to share with you what I've learned, how I'm learning it, what's going on, and let's all do this together. I mean, I'm basically doing that with this program. I'm being radically honest that even though I've made millions of dollars and I've got a successful company and have a great life, I still got problems. And I'm being really honest about what they are. [00:17:33] When I first put this course out, I was like, is this going too far? [00:17:40] Is this. Am I being too honest here? But then I got loads of good feet. I got so many messages from people who have been very touched by some of the things that have been shared here, and that really encourages me to keep doing it. So when I started, I wasn't sure what was going to happen, and I did a certain number of sessions and then I just said, let me know what you think about this. [00:18:05] Is it helpful? Is it not helpful? What's going on? And then people Said, oh, my God, thank you so much. [00:18:11] And so, as a result of that, I am now keeping it up because it's useful. And I'll give you just a quick example, right, with the emails you might have heard me talk about, my biggest problem when I started this was I have these hundreds, if not thousands of emails that have not been set up in my system and sent out because of. [00:18:32] Basically because I'm out of practice and I'm afraid of being judged, you know. And so, so far we've had like 82 unsubscribes and 100 and something bounces because of emails not working, right? But we've also had 20,000, 30,000 messages go out, thousands of people clicking on things. So it's happening. [00:19:00] And what helped me do it, just to be honest with you, is that I committed that I'm not going to have any chocolate. [00:19:08] I don't get any chocolate until I send out an email. So one email equals one chocolate bar, or one. I mean, I might not eat the whole bar, but let's say as much chocolate as I want to eat. [00:19:23] I have a chocolate company in England and I have a huge box of chocolate coming. I can. I'm in a situation which I'm very happy about because I set this chocolate company up in the past. I was co founder of the chocolate company. [00:19:37] I now get unlimited chocolate for free sent to me. And it's the best chocolate in the world in my opinion. It's really, really good chocolate. [00:19:48] And so I get these massive boxes of chocolate sent to me. [00:19:54] I'm actually almost all out of chocolate. I have like one or two pieces left and I've got this one that's 90%, which is way too bitter for me, to be perfectly honest. [00:20:04] So I've eaten everything else and this is coming in the post tomorrow, this massive box, right? [00:20:11] And I am only allowed chocolate. I. After one email goes out, I could even up it to 2. Two emails have to go out before I get any chocolate. [00:20:22] And so what that's done is that it has forced me to write emails because I'm sitting there going, all right, it's time for chocolate. [00:20:33] And then I'm like, ah, has any emails been sent? Not have I written an email, but has it actually been sent out so that I have to talk to my tech person who sends out the emails. Did those emails go out yet? [00:20:45] And he's like, not yet. It's going out tonight, though, at six o'. Clock. [00:20:49] And I'm like, all right, well, I suppose that still counts then. It still counts because it is going out, scheduled to go out. So I can. It will go out by the end of the day. So I'm going to have some chocolate. So this has really helped me to do it. [00:21:04] From no emails being sent out to emails being sent out because I've connected it to having chocolate and because I'm going to get this massive box of chocolate in the post tomorrow, then that's going to inspire me even more to send out messages. So I recommend in your case, to do something like this. Pair the thing that you want to do with something that you like to do so that after you do the thing that you need to do and then you get the thing that you like afterwards. And that way you're more likely to do it. [00:21:37] So the Oprah method is learn something, try it yourself, share what you're discovering, learn from the responses and then keep improving as you go and just go round and round and round. [00:21:50] This is actually how you become an expert. You become an expert not by waiting till you're perfect, but by teaching what you're learning as you learn it. [00:22:01] Document the journey and don't wait till you've arrived. [00:22:06] So your process is your content, your struggles are your lessons, your questions are your topics. [00:22:20] What you're learning right now, that's what you share. [00:22:26] So, for example, you don't say, I mastered meditation 10 years ago and I've never had a waste thought since. [00:22:35] Let me teach you what it is you say, I've been meditating for 10 years and I'm still learning, I'm still growing. And here's what I'm discovering, here's what my experience is, here's what I've gone through, here's where I'm at. [00:22:57] You don't say, I have my life completely figured out. [00:23:01] You say, I'm working through this challenge right now. Here's what's helping. [00:23:06] I'm going through this thing right now. Here's what's making it work. I just did that with the email thing I shared about. I've been having a problem with sending out emails because of perfectionism and fear. [00:23:16] So I now am getting chocolate every time I send an email. And it's getting a lot better. And I actually have been sending them out. Thank goodness. [00:23:25] You don't say, follow my 10 step system to enlightenment. You say, here's what I'm trying, here's what I'm doing, here's how it's helping me. [00:23:33] Maybe it will help you too. [00:23:37] And of course, if you have results, you know, like if you have a certain experience and something actually is working, then that is proof of your success. So you want to talk about those things if you have them. [00:23:51] But this whole program is to break you out of thinking. You have to be perfect before you start, right? Everything I'm sharing here is something you can use throughout your your career of sharing and being of service. [00:24:07] Even later on when you are actually an expert and you have genuinely cracked the code on a number of things, you still want to be vulnerable and you still want to share about your stuff. But this is especially important when you're starting out. [00:24:21] So here's the emotional truth. You've been waiting to have all the answers before you help anyone. [00:24:28] But that's just not how teaching works. That's not how connection works. [00:24:33] People don't need you to be the finished, perfect version. They just need you to be honest about where you are right now. And the realness is more valuable than your perfection. [00:24:49] So let's take a moment for self compassion. [00:24:55] You've been waiting to be the finished, perfect version of yourself before you help anyone. [00:25:03] But here's the truth. [00:25:07] You're never going to be finished. None of us are. We're always learning. We're always growing. We're always discovering new layers. [00:25:19] And if you wait until you're done before you help people, you'll never help anyone. [00:25:28] So just place your hand on your heart and say, I don't need to have all the answers. [00:25:40] I just need to share what I'm learning right now. [00:25:48] My journey is valuable. [00:25:54] My process is helpful. [00:26:00] I am ready to teach as I learn. [00:26:15] And what to take from this session. [00:26:18] Just think about this for a moment. What are you learning right now? [00:26:23] Not what you mastered 10 years ago. [00:26:27] Not what you are understanding or thinking about for the future. But what are you actually working through or struggling with or experiencing right now? [00:26:41] What's going on for you right now? [00:26:46] Because it's in the present. It's juicy, right? It's a real lived experience. [00:26:52] What are you going through right now? [00:26:57] Write it down. [00:26:59] Right now I'm learning. [00:27:01] Learning what? [00:27:03] And you can share about that because it's going to be more interesting to people if they hear what you're actually experiencing in the moment when it's a lived experience. [00:27:18] Than if it's some thing in the past. You can do both. And you can say, this is something I learned before, this is how it helped me. But when you're going through it, It's more raw. Now I will give you one final thought about this. [00:27:37] When you're sharing stories and experiences, it's best to wait just a little bit of time until some of the charged energy is dissipated a little bit. [00:27:49] And what I mean by that is that if you are highly emotional and venting, that is not ideal, and I wouldn't recommend it. [00:28:02] So there's a difference between sharing your experience as a gift to others and venting on people. [00:28:11] This should be a session to its own. [00:28:15] Just want to mention it briefly here that if you're, like, totally all over the place, you might want to wait just a little bit till you calm down before you share, because you'll be clearer and more coherent and actually be able to think, how is this of service to somebody else when you come out of it a little bit? So sometimes there's a bit of. A little bit of a time lapse between what you've gone through and what you're sharing about. [00:28:47] Like, in my case, with this course, I was going through fear and perfectionism and really facing it on my own for. For like a month. [00:29:00] I mean, you could say this is actually probably a couple of years, but just really focusing on it for a month. And then once I felt like I'd come through most of it and was most of the way out, that's when I decided to create this. [00:29:13] This course and this podcast and all these things, because I felt like I'd got a better idea of what I was dealing with, and then I was in a position where I could share about it. [00:29:26] Right. If I tried to share this whilst I was going through it at that very moment, it might not mean I didn't even understand it myself. So it probably wouldn't have made sense to anyone else. So you need a little bit of gap between your own experience and sharing it. But it doesn't have to be very much. It could be a day, could be a week, could be a month. [00:29:46] So it's still very fresh. But you also have a sense of where you're at and what you've learned from it. [00:29:54] So congratulations, you can practice the Oprah method. Learn something, try it out yourself, experiment with it, then share what you're discovering. Once you've got a better sense of it, learn from your responses, keep making it better, and do it again and again and again. [00:30:10] And you can do that right now. Lots of love and many blessings.